Divorce and Children

For those of us with children, divorce is even more painful and difficult. More often than not, we stayed in a bad marriage for the sake of the children but all too often it is the children who suffer as a result.

Communicate with your Children

We learn about love and marriage from our parents, our primary role models. Consider what type of role model you give your kids in a bad marriage? It is important that we let our children know that not all marriages look like the one we are in and that there are different ways of communicating and loving as a couple. Most important is the need to let your kids know that the divorce is not their responsibility.

Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for

They also know what is going on. Once you have separated and while you are going through the divorce process, open and honest communication (age appropriate of course) is the best way to deal with our kids.

Get your Children Support if they need it

The most important thing you and your spouse can do for the kids is to let them know that they are loved, that this is not their doing and that even though Mom and Dad are divorcing each other, they are not divorcing them (the kids). Keep them out of the line of fire. Watch them carefully for any type of significantly different behaviors. Get them support if they need it…much like you! They too are undergoing divorce and their needs are not so radically different than yours.

Keep the Trash Talk about your Ex away from them

If your ex is absent from their lives, let them know that this is not about them but about him as a person. You’ll need to give them love for two. As hard as it may be, keep the trash talk about your ex away from them.

Don’t burden your children with your heartaches unnecessarily

They have their own load to carry not to mention the fact that given their age, they simply aren’t up to being your caretaker. Being open about your feelings is okay but not extreme feelings that may prove to be upsetting to them.

Like you, your kids will survive this divorce and given the right support and role modeling, they (and you) will go on to thrive in their adult lives. They too need to go through a process, stages of emotional healing. The best thing you can for your children is to become the person you are meant to be; to heal yourself and go on to create a new life.

Let's Talk... I'm a Mom too and I know the urgency of handling a divorce in the best interest of our kids. Contact me today and we can talk about divorce and your kids in a free first visit.

 

Suggested Reading:

Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way
by M. Gary Neuman (Author)

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